Networking expert Clare Dignall gives us her top tips for making sure that you get the very best out of your networking, and don’t get put off by difficult people you might encounter. This excerpt from her new book, “Successful Networking in 7 Simple Steps”, is part of the new “7 Simple Steps” series.
There will be times when, once you’ve introduced yourself to someone and started conversation, you wish you hadn’t. The person is rude and cynical. But what if you need them as a contact? You can’t always ditch new contacts just because they’re unlikeable. In such cases, you may have to learn some techniques that can make interaction more fruitful, now and for the future.
Don’t counter-attack; ask questions
This can be particularly helpful when dealing with someone who is opinionated or argumentative. If, say, you’ve just mentioned that you work in recycling and your new contact says ‘recycling is a waste of time and money,’ resist a squabble; but instead, gently ask them to elaborate: ‘In what ways is it a waste?’ This way, they’re likely to identify the flaws in their own argument without conflict between you.
Stay calm and polite
If someone is being rude to you, don’t mirror their behaviour, or what began as a difficult conversation could escalate into a big argument. By staying calm you will defuse any potential aggression and also (eventually) gain the respect of the other.
Side-step unacceptable behaviour
If someone is racist or sexist, it’s unlikely you will ever want to work with them. Don’t counter or even acknowledge, their outdated views, but respond with silence. At an appropriate juncture, excuse yourself and move on.
Don’t take nastiness personally
Some people are impossible to please, and can come across as brusque, cynical and rude. If you meet someone like this while networking it’s highly unlikely that their sharp demeanour has anything to do with you. Accepting that some people just have unpleasant personalities makes it easier not to take it personally. Taking things personally will only make it harder for you every time you have to deal with them. Work on growing a thick skin for yourself.
Avoid the ‘you’ word
The pronoun ‘you’ is very personal and can sound like an attack. If, for example, you mention you are a social media consultant, and they say ‘I’ll never use social media because it’s just a passing craze’, you could enrage someone by saying ‘You’re wrong’ or ‘Your opinion is wrong’. Instead, use a more neutral sentence like ‘there is evidence against that argument’ or turn it to yourself using ‘I’; such as, ‘I think that social media is here to stay’. Then you are countering the actual issue, not the person.
Create a 'bell-jar' for yourself
When all else fails, a little visualisation won’t go amiss when dealing with a particularly abrasive person. Imagine yourself in conversation with this person as you are now, but a large bell-jar placed over your head protects you from their nasty comments. Listen to their disagreeable remarks pinging off the glass without any effect on you. Try it; it works!
Clare Dignall has worked in both the public and private sectors, in established organisations and challenging start-ups. Since working for herself, she has realised – more so than ever – the importance of forming close business relationships and extending her network. Her new book, Successful Networking in 7 Simple Steps, part of the new ‘7 Simple Steps series’, out now, is published by Collins: www.collins.co.uk/7simplesteps
